Becoming who we are made to be

Baptised into new life

I am very happy to be blogging my first post (or is it posting my first blog? I always get those two mixed up!). As this is my first time being here, I was a little unsure what to write about. I decided to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide me. That was this morning, before Mass. I found myself thinking about three things; my first Holy Communion, the rosary and inner healing. Well, that's quite a diverse group of subjects, but I noticed links between the three as the day progressed.

First of all, at Mass. The priest actually asked us, during his sermon, did we ever think about the first time we  received Jesus in the eucharist! I love signs, I am a real signs and wonders type, if given the choice, that is. I also know the value of 'slowly does but do it' type of faith. One day at a time.

I don't know about you, but my first Holy Communion was not exactly a consciously joyful spiritual experience. It was very much of the senses, rather than the spirit. I remember my dress. I remember going for fittings for the dress. I remember having my photograph taken with a lovely priest, Fr Foynes. I remember Sister Vincent, who gave me religious instruction as I didn't attend a Roman Catholic primary school. She taught (mis) us that if we were to accidentally bite the host, the whole world would end. The fear this instilled in me took away any peace the Lord would be trying to give me as I received Him. I became far too concerned with, not just mine, but how you others received Jesus. I would watch your mouths to see if they were moving in a chew like manner. Fortunately, no-one had bitten the host, so the world hasn't ended (yet).

So, the rosary next. I have been praying the rosary on a regular basis for two and a half years now. I have noticed many changes in my life (plus changes still needed) and also in my Catholic faith, which has become rooted in me, where before I would not particularly worry about stating I was a Catholic, I would just say Christian. However, that is a whole other subject. The part of the fruit of the rosary that I want to mention, is it's inner healing properties, at least, the healing I have experienced.

I noticed that childhood memories would begin to come up sometimes while I was meditating on certain mysteries. I became aware of Jesus and Our Lady's presence at those times in my life when I had felt quite alone. A kind of confirmation that they had been there with me. These memories loose their grip on me, once I remember I am never alone, not then and not now, even as I type. I am loved and knowing this is the beginning of my being freed. Our Lady is so peaceful, so much the opposite of how I am, as a person. Infact, I have sensed her say "Shhh" to me, gently, at times when I have been flapping and worrying. I have mentioned this before, on my own blog, but it's worth a repeat because ofcourse, if it's true for me, then it's true for everyone. The Holy family has no favourites. I was also  wary of approaching Mary, as I saw her as a real 'goody two shoes'. I envied her, to be frank. I honestly thought I had blown my chances of her ever wanting anything to do with me. Not so, she is so like the Father, running to meet us, over the rooftops. Do not be frightened to reach out to her. I asked Jesus, if it was His will, to allow me to become closer to her. He did. But that is also another long story (one that is still unfolding).

So to end, let's go back to the beginning again. As I say, before Mass, I was thinking about my first Communion, how it was being viewed by heaven, as opposed to earth. Jesus was watching me, waiting for me, maybe even seeing how many years it was going to be before I realised this. Well, I realised it this morning. He wasn't too worried about my dress, nor all the other childhood terrors. He was just waiting, to meet with me. Just as He was waiting to meet with you, on your special day. Can you remember it? Ask the Holy Spirit to relive it, with you. It's a very healing and joyful experience, becoming childlike again.

Thank you for stopping by to read this. God bless you.

Ros @ shadowlands